You Must Build or Rebuild Your Self-Esteem or You Will Never Be Successful

I know this first hand. I have fought against a low self-esteem my entire life. My birth father left my mother and I when I was 6 months old and I never saw nor heard from him again. My mother remarried my adopted father who loved me and I loved him. We still do. But he suffered from self-esteem issues too, and he took it out on my Mom, my sister and me. We were all called "stupid", "dump" "idiots" for most of my adolescent years. As a big kid, I endured many days on the playground by being called, "fat Matt". Odds are you have had similar unfortunate experiences. Our brains record it all and our self-esteem suffers because of it.

 But you MUST overcome these cut downs and develop a positive self-esteem and self-image or success will always elude you. Positive self-esteem is what lifts us up after a defeat. It's the confidence we rely upon to keep on keepin' on. Unfortunately, many people never really master building or rebuilding their self-esteem. Here are some tips I have used that will help you get yours built back up.

1. It's not a curse... it's a blessing. Use the negative experiences you have faced as fuel to rebuild your self-esteem. Deep down, those negative experiences can drive you to success if you use them properly. Drop the blame, and remember the times when you were beat down as powerful. Prove your doubters wrong, don't allow them to be proven right.

2. Seek Mastery of something. When you are a master of something, it produces confidence. The key is to master something, anything. Learn to hit a golf ball 400 yards. Learn to play Billy Joel songs on the piano. Get in tip top shape via working out. Become a top notch cold caller in your sales career. Anything that proves that you took the time to focus on it, skill up, and therefore master it.

3. Do more of what you fear. Do more of what you fear most... LOTS MORE. Repetition is the mother of all skill and the more reps you can take the more you bury the fear and move closer to mastery the better. The key is MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF REPS. Once or twice is not enough. You need to take lots of swings at bat. If you are terrified of speaking, do more speaking. If you can't make a cold call, do more cold calls. Think of this like my friend Grant Cardone suggests in his book THE 10X RULE. Do everything with a factor of 10X to it.

4. Leverage your mastery. Put yourself in locations and situations for your mastery to shine. If you have mastered hitting a golf ball 400 years, then sign up for the company or industry golf tournament. You know that when you arrive on the first tee box, you will hit the ball farther than anyone, and others will be amazed. Therefore, your mastery will put you in a class to yourself, and people will want to be around you and invite you to be on their team. When you start a new job on the sales floor, be the person who can bang out 100 cold calls without blinking an eye. This will separate you on day one from the competition, and you will be looked at as a master. Sit at the piano when you are having drinks with clients and start playing Piano Man. Your clients will be impressed, and your self-esteem issue will go out the window. Invite your new date to the gym with you and let them see how many pull ups you can do and they too will be impressed. Your mastery must be used as constant fuel for you to continue to build or rebuild your self-esteem. Getting great at something gives you the confidence to get great at other things.

5. Help someone else. It's sad that so many people who are in a position to help whether it's a coach, a co-worker or even a parent, don't take more time to recognize self-esteem issues in others. Be that person, be the person that helps. The topic of self-esteem is vital to your success. For some, the building or rebuilding process can be done quickly. For others, like me, it takes a long time. But either way, nothing is more worth the effort.

Are you up for this challenge? What could be possible if you took this on? let us know.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9525087

The Myth of Limiting Beliefs

So what do you think of this? What if we decided to focus on what does work rather than what doesn't? I'd love to hear what you think so please leave a comment.

How to Eliminate Negative Thought (3 day Challenge)

Will you try Leo's 3 day challenge? Let us know what's on your mind.

Are you Suffering the Effects of a Difficult Childhood?

by fatima-abdelghani      emaze

Are you one of the millions of people in the western world that would consider their childhood to have been particularly tough? Maybe you were abused physically or emotionally when you were very young and feel that this has been holding you back from living a “normal” life.

Well that’s my story. If you’re like me, on the surface you may feel that there are children in war zones or starving around the world that would have willingly swapped what we went through for a few slices of bread and a jug of clean water. Consciously we may understand that we live in a privileged society but it doesn’t seem to help does it? At some level we feel wounded; even emotionally disabled in some way!

 About 10 years ago (in my mid 40’s) I decided that I’d had enough of that feeling and that I wanted to explore the anger and fear that I had carried around with me for so many years. I started to read self-help books (again) that I hoped might help me and eventually came across the number one best selling book ‘The Dark Side of the Light Chasers’ by the late Debbie Ford (RIP my friend and mentor).

That book was to change my life… well that’s not strictly true; I changed my life but that book was the catalyst for change. It helped me take responsibility for my present feelings and actions and which gave me the power to finally make a few changes. That may not be what you want to hear but until we accept responsibility for the choices that we’re making in the present we have no power to alter the way things are. No one else can do it for you. This ultimately led me to become a certified life coach. I wanted to help people overcome the debilitating effects of low self-esteem. That was my mission and at first I failed miserably.

Just like a recovering alcoholic that lack of self-esteem is always likely to be with me at some level. That’s the bad news. The good news is that lack of self-esteem will always be with me at some level. An over inflated ego can be just as damaging as one that’s under inflated so looking to strike a healthy balance should take some of the pressure off. A recovering alcoholic will always admit to being one even though he may never touch another drop. Even the most seemingly confident people lack self-esteem at times.

If you feel like you’re failing miserably don’t give up. You can find another perspective. I know that’s true because I did. How we can embrace a difficult past and use it to our advantage is the subject of  my next topic starting in a few days time, so do sign up and we can explore it together. Why not ask a question or leave a comment and return here to find some tips and tricks that just may help.

Authenticity or 'Act as if?'

So should I be authentic or should I act as if? Which is best for my self-esteem.... and does one compromise the other?

A few years ago I had a 'light bulb moment' about my self-esteem whilst taking part in doing some 'Shadow ' work (which I'll talk about in later blog posts). I was reminded of this recently whilst reading Robert Kelsy's book 'What's Stopping You?'

I realised that I can't change my chemistry and the things I learned as a kid are set. They are a large part of my mind which was set by the time I was around 7 years old and they're going to be with me for as long as I'm human. I have no control over my reptilian 'fight, flight or freeze' brain so why baulk it? That was such a great relief because now after all these years I no longer have to fight my 'knee jerk' reactions. Accepting them as a part of my make up allows me the presence of mind to overcome their effects more quickly and often times create better outcomes.

I've spent so much of my time trying to prove myself to others as someone I'm really not and it cost me dear. It cost me self-respect, loads of nervous energy, and for so long the ability to like myself for who I am. I spent loads of time thinking something was wrong with me and that if I was to be loved or even liked I'd have to pretend to be someone else; stronger, braver, far more in control, you get the idea. I also learned that there are areas in which I have high self esteem. Everyone's really good at some things.

I now feel that self-esteem is a little overrated. If you can take the necessary actions however you're feeling. you're onto a winner; which often results in raising your level of self-esteem, at least temporarily. It's not easy I know but at least now I don't have to be superhuman; what a relief!  It's not the thought that counts, it's the actions that count.

I've learned that trying to do things on my own wasn't working for me so I got help. You can get help to take the pressure off, and it doesn't necessarily need to be professional help. Just reading more of the stuff that moves you and confiding in someone you really trust can start you on a road to a better life.

Authenticity or 'act as if?' What works best for you and when? I'm so interested to know so please leave a comment.

What's holding you back?

This is a rather well known story worth retelling.

In Thailand, they have a simple way to keep an elephant docile and under control.

When the elephant is a baby, the keeper ties the baby elephant with a strong rope to a tree. Of course, the free spirited, uninhibited baby elephant tries to escape but is held back by the rope. The baby elephant will try to break free, time and again, tugging hard at the rope that would not break.

After a while, the baby elephant is exhausted by its futile efforts. Its once free spirit is broken. It believes that there is no hope. It yields and just accepts its assigned position and situation.

The hopelessness and learned helplessness stays in the elephant’s unconscious mind even when it grows into an adult. Even when the adult elephant can snap the rope with just a casual tug, it will make no such attempt. So strong is this limiting belief that has been etched in the unconscious mind of the elephant.

Are there any limiting beliefs holding us back like the elephant? Are there setbacks in our childhood that still have a hold on us like the baby elephant’s rope?

Whenever you baulk at a challenge, ask yourself if you are being held back by a limiting belief or assumption, carried over from a bad experience from your childhood or just one unfortunate episode from long ago.

Isn’t it time to break free of the imaginary bond of that limiting belief? What do you reckon? Do leave a comment.

Posted by itrustican