Is Humility Strength And Evidence Of High Self Esteem?

Some would say that an achieved humble man has high self-esteem as he doesn't have to prove anything to anyone. Yes, I can see that point, although that's not the end of the story and it is hardly the beginning either. Not long ago, I was discussing all this with a fellow think tank type mind and they noted an old famous quote:

"Humility is not thinking less of oneself, but thinking of oneself less. Humility is strength not indecision."

Sure, on the surface that does sound like a well-spoken piece of wisdom, but on second thought; is it so? You see, I humbly disagree. How is humility strength? It can be deceptive, hiding one's abilities, I guess deception can be viewed as holding back knowledge and knowledge is power, therefore considered strength - of course, I quite certain that the maker of that quote wasn't thinking about it in that way.

Kids are definitely not humble, they are very self-centered, it's always I, I, I and it is always about them or they cry. Why? Simple, it is natural for them to be that way. We say they need to grow up if they live their life in the first person, by growing up we mean taught or learn to appropriate behavior. Humility is taught, it is learned, it is not natural, it is nurture, and that's fine, but it is our (societies') enforcement upon the individual.

There is nothing wrong with Ego, or I, nothing at all, it's natural and normal and actually first-person thinking, there is nothing wrong with Ayn Rand's Objectivism either. We often attach more character to the humble one, but why? You may not like John Mac Enroe or his behavior on the tennis court, but you also can't touch his skills with a ten-foot pole either. Who is right, it's his life, and people are free to act as they will, in the US we have free speech, which also means tooting one's own horn in self-promotion.

You may not like Donald Trump or Richard Branson for their brashness and perceived megalomaniac style behavior, but since you are not a billionaire who are you to judge? Those who are humble and great may make us feel better about ourselves, and the powers-that-be less threatened, but that doesn't make it a virtue, it is not.

We are told not to judge another man until we walk a mile in their shoes, but apparently it's okay to judge someone who is less humble - why? Simple, it is society's way of reinforcing a specific learned behavior - why? To make us all feel better about ourselves. However, if we were more comfortable in our own skin, we wouldn't be bothered by less-than-humble folks in the first place. Dare to debate?

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9489818

You Must Build or Rebuild Your Self-Esteem or You Will Never Be Successful

I know this first hand. I have fought against a low self-esteem my entire life. My birth father left my mother and I when I was 6 months old and I never saw nor heard from him again. My mother remarried my adopted father who loved me and I loved him. We still do. But he suffered from self-esteem issues too, and he took it out on my Mom, my sister and me. We were all called "stupid", "dump" "idiots" for most of my adolescent years. As a big kid, I endured many days on the playground by being called, "fat Matt". Odds are you have had similar unfortunate experiences. Our brains record it all and our self-esteem suffers because of it.

 But you MUST overcome these cut downs and develop a positive self-esteem and self-image or success will always elude you. Positive self-esteem is what lifts us up after a defeat. It's the confidence we rely upon to keep on keepin' on. Unfortunately, many people never really master building or rebuilding their self-esteem. Here are some tips I have used that will help you get yours built back up.

1. It's not a curse... it's a blessing. Use the negative experiences you have faced as fuel to rebuild your self-esteem. Deep down, those negative experiences can drive you to success if you use them properly. Drop the blame, and remember the times when you were beat down as powerful. Prove your doubters wrong, don't allow them to be proven right.

2. Seek Mastery of something. When you are a master of something, it produces confidence. The key is to master something, anything. Learn to hit a golf ball 400 yards. Learn to play Billy Joel songs on the piano. Get in tip top shape via working out. Become a top notch cold caller in your sales career. Anything that proves that you took the time to focus on it, skill up, and therefore master it.

3. Do more of what you fear. Do more of what you fear most... LOTS MORE. Repetition is the mother of all skill and the more reps you can take the more you bury the fear and move closer to mastery the better. The key is MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF REPS. Once or twice is not enough. You need to take lots of swings at bat. If you are terrified of speaking, do more speaking. If you can't make a cold call, do more cold calls. Think of this like my friend Grant Cardone suggests in his book THE 10X RULE. Do everything with a factor of 10X to it.

4. Leverage your mastery. Put yourself in locations and situations for your mastery to shine. If you have mastered hitting a golf ball 400 years, then sign up for the company or industry golf tournament. You know that when you arrive on the first tee box, you will hit the ball farther than anyone, and others will be amazed. Therefore, your mastery will put you in a class to yourself, and people will want to be around you and invite you to be on their team. When you start a new job on the sales floor, be the person who can bang out 100 cold calls without blinking an eye. This will separate you on day one from the competition, and you will be looked at as a master. Sit at the piano when you are having drinks with clients and start playing Piano Man. Your clients will be impressed, and your self-esteem issue will go out the window. Invite your new date to the gym with you and let them see how many pull ups you can do and they too will be impressed. Your mastery must be used as constant fuel for you to continue to build or rebuild your self-esteem. Getting great at something gives you the confidence to get great at other things.

5. Help someone else. It's sad that so many people who are in a position to help whether it's a coach, a co-worker or even a parent, don't take more time to recognize self-esteem issues in others. Be that person, be the person that helps. The topic of self-esteem is vital to your success. For some, the building or rebuilding process can be done quickly. For others, like me, it takes a long time. But either way, nothing is more worth the effort.

Are you up for this challenge? What could be possible if you took this on? let us know.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/9525087

The Myth of Limiting Beliefs

So what do you think of this? What if we decided to focus on what does work rather than what doesn't? I'd love to hear what you think so please leave a comment.

Do I Need a Coach to Help me Realise my Dreams?

Have you ever felt  that you've been searching for that crutch to help you get to your dreams because you haven't felt personally worthy or powerful enough to make them come true.

Just about everyone who ever made their dream a reality had help to get them there. There's a pretty good chance that's why you're reading this right? If that's true I can completely empathise with you. I've been there along with millions of others who are still searching for a way to realise that elusive dream.

For many years several coaches were supposed to deliver the magic bullet, or that piece of inspiration that will make lifelong changes possible for me. I can acknowledge the role of a coach, I have one myself but the truth is the coach is never the one taking the actions. It's never time to stop dreaming but a dream is just a dream.

All of the answers are in taking the necessary action to make the dream a reality. I'm a great believer in asking powerful questions that have me consider the next part of my journey. A coach will often put these questions before you when you haven't considered asking them yourself but we still have to get in the car and drive to our destination. It's often a long, long drive; not always just of days or weeks but often of months or years. We have to make sure we stop to refuel along the journey and gathering information such as reading this post is a way of providing that fuel but in my experience by far the best way is in having a coach. We need to remember though, that we're still the only one who's driving the car.

Some days we're on the motorway on a sunny day and the route is smooth and direct but as often as not there are a maze of country roads, thunderstorms, traffic jams, rocky terrain, unseen hazards or even complete loss of visibility. There's always the unforeseen possibility of a breakdown or getting lost for a while. The question is, "would we let the possibility of a breakdown or being lost temporarily prevent us from continuing the journey?" Even in the unlikely event that we did breakdown, and assuming the call of the destination was urgent enough, wouldn't we be pretty confident of finding another way to get there?

In answer to the question "Do I need a coach to help me realise my dreams?" I would say that of those at the top of the tree in their particular sphere you'll find that 99.9% have a coach but not one of them gives the coach any responsibility for what they are looking to achieve. Neither do they give him 1% of the responsibility for what they haven't achieved. But still, no fuel, no journey right?

Accountability is key and there is no one better qualified than a coach to help keep you fueled up on your journey to a better life. However, never lose sight of who's driving the car and what awaits at the end of the journey. Otherwise you're just wasting not only your time but also the time of your coach.

I'd be interested to hear about your journey with and without a coach. Please do  leave a comment.

Are you Suffering the Effects of a Difficult Childhood?

by fatima-abdelghani      emaze

Are you one of the millions of people in the western world that would consider their childhood to have been particularly tough? Maybe you were abused physically or emotionally when you were very young and feel that this has been holding you back from living a “normal” life.

Well that’s my story. If you’re like me, on the surface you may feel that there are children in war zones or starving around the world that would have willingly swapped what we went through for a few slices of bread and a jug of clean water. Consciously we may understand that we live in a privileged society but it doesn’t seem to help does it? At some level we feel wounded; even emotionally disabled in some way!

 About 10 years ago (in my mid 40’s) I decided that I’d had enough of that feeling and that I wanted to explore the anger and fear that I had carried around with me for so many years. I started to read self-help books (again) that I hoped might help me and eventually came across the number one best selling book ‘The Dark Side of the Light Chasers’ by the late Debbie Ford (RIP my friend and mentor).

That book was to change my life… well that’s not strictly true; I changed my life but that book was the catalyst for change. It helped me take responsibility for my present feelings and actions and which gave me the power to finally make a few changes. That may not be what you want to hear but until we accept responsibility for the choices that we’re making in the present we have no power to alter the way things are. No one else can do it for you. This ultimately led me to become a certified life coach. I wanted to help people overcome the debilitating effects of low self-esteem. That was my mission and at first I failed miserably.

Just like a recovering alcoholic that lack of self-esteem is always likely to be with me at some level. That’s the bad news. The good news is that lack of self-esteem will always be with me at some level. An over inflated ego can be just as damaging as one that’s under inflated so looking to strike a healthy balance should take some of the pressure off. A recovering alcoholic will always admit to being one even though he may never touch another drop. Even the most seemingly confident people lack self-esteem at times.

If you feel like you’re failing miserably don’t give up. You can find another perspective. I know that’s true because I did. How we can embrace a difficult past and use it to our advantage is the subject of  my next topic starting in a few days time, so do sign up and we can explore it together. Why not ask a question or leave a comment and return here to find some tips and tricks that just may help.

Authenticity or 'Act as if?'

So should I be authentic or should I act as if? Which is best for my self-esteem.... and does one compromise the other?

A few years ago I had a 'light bulb moment' about my self-esteem whilst taking part in doing some 'Shadow ' work (which I'll talk about in later blog posts). I was reminded of this recently whilst reading Robert Kelsy's book 'What's Stopping You?'

I realised that I can't change my chemistry and the things I learned as a kid are set. They are a large part of my mind which was set by the time I was around 7 years old and they're going to be with me for as long as I'm human. I have no control over my reptilian 'fight, flight or freeze' brain so why baulk it? That was such a great relief because now after all these years I no longer have to fight my 'knee jerk' reactions. Accepting them as a part of my make up allows me the presence of mind to overcome their effects more quickly and often times create better outcomes.

I've spent so much of my time trying to prove myself to others as someone I'm really not and it cost me dear. It cost me self-respect, loads of nervous energy, and for so long the ability to like myself for who I am. I spent loads of time thinking something was wrong with me and that if I was to be loved or even liked I'd have to pretend to be someone else; stronger, braver, far more in control, you get the idea. I also learned that there are areas in which I have high self esteem. Everyone's really good at some things.

I now feel that self-esteem is a little overrated. If you can take the necessary actions however you're feeling. you're onto a winner; which often results in raising your level of self-esteem, at least temporarily. It's not easy I know but at least now I don't have to be superhuman; what a relief!  It's not the thought that counts, it's the actions that count.

I've learned that trying to do things on my own wasn't working for me so I got help. You can get help to take the pressure off, and it doesn't necessarily need to be professional help. Just reading more of the stuff that moves you and confiding in someone you really trust can start you on a road to a better life.

Authenticity or 'act as if?' What works best for you and when? I'm so interested to know so please leave a comment.

What's holding you back?

This is a rather well known story worth retelling.

In Thailand, they have a simple way to keep an elephant docile and under control.

When the elephant is a baby, the keeper ties the baby elephant with a strong rope to a tree. Of course, the free spirited, uninhibited baby elephant tries to escape but is held back by the rope. The baby elephant will try to break free, time and again, tugging hard at the rope that would not break.

After a while, the baby elephant is exhausted by its futile efforts. Its once free spirit is broken. It believes that there is no hope. It yields and just accepts its assigned position and situation.

The hopelessness and learned helplessness stays in the elephant’s unconscious mind even when it grows into an adult. Even when the adult elephant can snap the rope with just a casual tug, it will make no such attempt. So strong is this limiting belief that has been etched in the unconscious mind of the elephant.

Are there any limiting beliefs holding us back like the elephant? Are there setbacks in our childhood that still have a hold on us like the baby elephant’s rope?

Whenever you baulk at a challenge, ask yourself if you are being held back by a limiting belief or assumption, carried over from a bad experience from your childhood or just one unfortunate episode from long ago.

Isn’t it time to break free of the imaginary bond of that limiting belief? What do you reckon? Do leave a comment.

Posted by itrustican