Are you Suffering the Effects of a Difficult Childhood?

by fatima-abdelghani      emaze

Are you one of the millions of people in the western world that would consider their childhood to have been particularly tough? Maybe you were abused physically or emotionally when you were very young and feel that this has been holding you back from living a “normal” life.

Well that’s my story. If you’re like me, on the surface you may feel that there are children in war zones or starving around the world that would have willingly swapped what we went through for a few slices of bread and a jug of clean water. Consciously we may understand that we live in a privileged society but it doesn’t seem to help does it? At some level we feel wounded; even emotionally disabled in some way!

 About 10 years ago (in my mid 40’s) I decided that I’d had enough of that feeling and that I wanted to explore the anger and fear that I had carried around with me for so many years. I started to read self-help books (again) that I hoped might help me and eventually came across the number one best selling book ‘The Dark Side of the Light Chasers’ by the late Debbie Ford (RIP my friend and mentor).

That book was to change my life… well that’s not strictly true; I changed my life but that book was the catalyst for change. It helped me take responsibility for my present feelings and actions and which gave me the power to finally make a few changes. That may not be what you want to hear but until we accept responsibility for the choices that we’re making in the present we have no power to alter the way things are. No one else can do it for you. This ultimately led me to become a certified life coach. I wanted to help people overcome the debilitating effects of low self-esteem. That was my mission and at first I failed miserably.

Just like a recovering alcoholic that lack of self-esteem is always likely to be with me at some level. That’s the bad news. The good news is that lack of self-esteem will always be with me at some level. An over inflated ego can be just as damaging as one that’s under inflated so looking to strike a healthy balance should take some of the pressure off. A recovering alcoholic will always admit to being one even though he may never touch another drop. Even the most seemingly confident people lack self-esteem at times.

If you feel like you’re failing miserably don’t give up. You can find another perspective. I know that’s true because I did. How we can embrace a difficult past and use it to our advantage is the subject of  my next topic starting in a few days time, so do sign up and we can explore it together. Why not ask a question or leave a comment and return here to find some tips and tricks that just may help.

Are you as Authentic as an Elephant?

2WomenAndThaELePhaNt 12 October 2013

Low Self Esteem. That's good!

Did you know that Elephants have a more developed hippocampus, a brain region responsible for emotion and spatial awareness, than any other animal including human beings?

I know what most of the Guru’s say, I’ve read so many of their books, but have you ever tried to give up a truly debilitating bad habit? You can go to AA meetings and work on your alcoholism but you’ll always be a self-confessed alcoholic and recovering alcoholics use this knowledge to their advantage. 

Just take a look at the word “Mindset”. Doesn’t the very word suggest that the mind is actually set? To change concrete once it’s set (our beliefs once we become adults) can feel like an almost impossible task! Maybe we don’t have complete control over our minds. Isn’t that what the evidence suggests?

I wondered how it would be if in the same way I just went ahead and admitted that I have low self-esteem and made changes to my life despite this knowledge, just like a recovering alcoholic or drug addict. That way I could use the tools for change but it would sure take off some of the pressure. For the rest of his life a recovering alcoholic will tell you he’s an alcoholic even if he never touches another drop. One of the features of low self-worth is that we spend so much time beating ourselves up for our shortcomings. The negative mindset of someone who’s depressed and feels inadequate or unworthy doesn’t lend itself to making positive changes.

So if nothing so far has worked to your satisfaction, stick around and let’s see what can be done. This blog is as much an inquiry as a solution, and what works for Peter may not work for Jane but there’s always someone out there who feels the same way you do. Why not leave a comment and see?