Do I Need a Coach to Help me Realise my Dreams?

Have you ever felt  that you've been searching for that crutch to help you get to your dreams because you haven't felt personally worthy or powerful enough to make them come true.

Just about everyone who ever made their dream a reality had help to get them there. There's a pretty good chance that's why you're reading this right? If that's true I can completely empathise with you. I've been there along with millions of others who are still searching for a way to realise that elusive dream.

For many years several coaches were supposed to deliver the magic bullet, or that piece of inspiration that will make lifelong changes possible for me. I can acknowledge the role of a coach, I have one myself but the truth is the coach is never the one taking the actions. It's never time to stop dreaming but a dream is just a dream.

All of the answers are in taking the necessary action to make the dream a reality. I'm a great believer in asking powerful questions that have me consider the next part of my journey. A coach will often put these questions before you when you haven't considered asking them yourself but we still have to get in the car and drive to our destination. It's often a long, long drive; not always just of days or weeks but often of months or years. We have to make sure we stop to refuel along the journey and gathering information such as reading this post is a way of providing that fuel but in my experience by far the best way is in having a coach. We need to remember though, that we're still the only one who's driving the car.

Some days we're on the motorway on a sunny day and the route is smooth and direct but as often as not there are a maze of country roads, thunderstorms, traffic jams, rocky terrain, unseen hazards or even complete loss of visibility. There's always the unforeseen possibility of a breakdown or getting lost for a while. The question is, "would we let the possibility of a breakdown or being lost temporarily prevent us from continuing the journey?" Even in the unlikely event that we did breakdown, and assuming the call of the destination was urgent enough, wouldn't we be pretty confident of finding another way to get there?

In answer to the question "Do I need a coach to help me realise my dreams?" I would say that of those at the top of the tree in their particular sphere you'll find that 99.9% have a coach but not one of them gives the coach any responsibility for what they are looking to achieve. Neither do they give him 1% of the responsibility for what they haven't achieved. But still, no fuel, no journey right?

Accountability is key and there is no one better qualified than a coach to help keep you fueled up on your journey to a better life. However, never lose sight of who's driving the car and what awaits at the end of the journey. Otherwise you're just wasting not only your time but also the time of your coach.

I'd be interested to hear about your journey with and without a coach. Please do  leave a comment.

How to Eliminate Negative Thought (3 day Challenge)

Will you try Leo's 3 day challenge? Let us know what's on your mind.

What are Limiting Beliefs?

So in the last post we talked about how certain experiences from childhood hold us back from doing and having what we want. It’s important to understand why this happens so that we can break free of these self-imposed limitations.

What are limiting beliefs?

 At the most basic level we need to be able to recognise perilous situations so that we can protect ourselves from danger. If we don’t learn that putting a hand in a fire is dangerous there’s nothing to prevent us from doing it again and suffering the same consequences. So it’s important to learn from our experiences so we can protect ourselves from harm.

The problem arises when the beliefs that we form get in the way of our personal growth or hold us back from achieving something we want. We begin to create stories that become distorted over time (check out this short story from a previous blog and you’ll see what I mean!).  We begin to apply labels to ourselves like I’m too old, I’m too young, I’m a woman, I’m not clever enough, I’m not white, I’m too short etc. We use these beliefs (excuses) to keep us in our comfort zone where it feels safe. These are called limiting, or negative beliefs.

How do we develop limiting beliefs?

Our parents most often have the biggest influence on our belief systems. There’s an old saying about turning into your parents even if it’s the last thing you want to happen.  Over-protective parents may have given us too many warnings about taking risks while some of us may have been at risk from their parents from neglect to abuse.  Those extremes and everything in between will give a child a perspective on what to believe in order to stay safe. Just watching her parents gives a child a perspective on what’s safe and what isn’t. There are all kinds of other influences such as peer pressure from other kids, teachers, the environment, media, social structure; even DNA!

We may not always be able to break free of every limiting belief but we can shed some of them and update our thinking on others. We’ll start looking at how to do that in the next few posts. What limiting beliefs do you have that are holding you back? If you’d like to ask a question or share an experience please leave a comment.

10 Qualities of Authentic People

Can you think of any others? Leave a comment

Authenticity or 'Act as if?'

So should I be authentic or should I act as if? Which is best for my self-esteem.... and does one compromise the other?

A few years ago I had a 'light bulb moment' about my self-esteem whilst taking part in doing some 'Shadow ' work (which I'll talk about in later blog posts). I was reminded of this recently whilst reading Robert Kelsy's book 'What's Stopping You?'

I realised that I can't change my chemistry and the things I learned as a kid are set. They are a large part of my mind which was set by the time I was around 7 years old and they're going to be with me for as long as I'm human. I have no control over my reptilian 'fight, flight or freeze' brain so why baulk it? That was such a great relief because now after all these years I no longer have to fight my 'knee jerk' reactions. Accepting them as a part of my make up allows me the presence of mind to overcome their effects more quickly and often times create better outcomes.

I've spent so much of my time trying to prove myself to others as someone I'm really not and it cost me dear. It cost me self-respect, loads of nervous energy, and for so long the ability to like myself for who I am. I spent loads of time thinking something was wrong with me and that if I was to be loved or even liked I'd have to pretend to be someone else; stronger, braver, far more in control, you get the idea. I also learned that there are areas in which I have high self esteem. Everyone's really good at some things.

I now feel that self-esteem is a little overrated. If you can take the necessary actions however you're feeling. you're onto a winner; which often results in raising your level of self-esteem, at least temporarily. It's not easy I know but at least now I don't have to be superhuman; what a relief!  It's not the thought that counts, it's the actions that count.

I've learned that trying to do things on my own wasn't working for me so I got help. You can get help to take the pressure off, and it doesn't necessarily need to be professional help. Just reading more of the stuff that moves you and confiding in someone you really trust can start you on a road to a better life.

Authenticity or 'act as if?' What works best for you and when? I'm so interested to know so please leave a comment.

A Warm Welcome!

Hello and a very warm welcome to my new blog. My name is Dwight and I’m here to share information with you about…… you guessed it; Self-development; yours and mine. Information about how we can make the most of our circumstances despite the obstacles that always seem to pop up and stunt our growth in some or all areas of our lives. About what’s really working for us ….. and what isn’t.

So why “The Self-Development Elephant? Well, I think Elephants are amazing animals and there's so much we could learn from them. I'll be sharing some of these things with you in the coming weeks and months.  

They say that Elephants never forget. There are things we’ve experienced in life that consciously we may have forgotten about, but they remain in our subconscious hard wiring and just seem come out of nowhere; controlling our behaviour at the most inappropriate of times. Same situation, same old reaction, even if it’s not the way we would have liked to react!

I’ve been interested in self-development from a very early age because at one time in my life I thought something was wrong with me and I wanted to change that. If you've ever felt that way and if you’re reading this I guess you developed more than a passing interest yourself at some stage in your life. I think at some level we’re all interested in having a better life for ourselves and our loved ones too; that feeling is a part of being human. Many of us are still looking for that magic bullet! 

I think someone once said "The more powerful the question, the better the solution" or maybe it was just me! Anyway, I had the thought that I’d like to explore what for me has made making progress so hard to do and it dawned on me that it might be a great thing if others who felt the same might come with me on this journey of self-discovery. If that’s you then why not keep leave a comment, or better yet sign up?