Is high self-esteem a good thing?

A comprehensive review of self-esteem research published in the journal of the Association for Psychological Science in 2003 is entitled “Does High Self-Esteem Cause Better Performance, Interpersonal Success, Happiness, or Healthier Lifestyles?”

According to its authors, a team of professors from major universities, the answer is no, no, no, and no.

“Our findings do not support continued widespread efforts to boost self-esteem in the hope that it will by itself foster improved outcomes,” the authors warn. In fact, “indiscriminate praise might just as easily promote narcissism, with its less desirable consequences.”

(Credit: Alan Bailey via Shutterstock/Salon)

They recommend instead that high self-esteem be promoted not as a basic birth right but rather as a goal attained through achievements and ethical behaviour. (Hey, why did no one ever think of this before? Oh wait, they did. It was how every culture on Earth functioned until a few years ago.) In other words, feeling good should stem from doing good deeds!

Self-loathing and narcissism are both unhealthy because both are forms of self-absorption, albeit at opposite extremes. Whether we are always sorry or never sorry, it is all about us.

Most spiritual paths advocate a conscientious middle ground. According to these doctrines, good people just do good, which generally entails neither playing dead nor playing God.

According to the Tao Te Ching, a sage “does not consider himself right, and thus is illustrious. He does not brag, and thus has merit. … The sage knows himself but does not display himself.”

Spiritual texts laud the modest and the humble. “The palace pillar is wide, but the human heart should be modest,” reads a Shinto poem. “The inhabitants of Paradise will be all the humble and the weak,” reads Islam’s Hadith of Bukhari. “Be humble; be harmless; have no pretension,” urges the Hindu Bhagavad-Gita.

Modesty is not shame but decorum. Humility is not self-abasement but respect.
Low self-esteem does not enlighten us. Self-loathing is not holy. But, all else aside, low self-esteem makes us contemplative and introspective. Our perfectionism makes us diligent. We celebrate small pleasures – albeit because we believe ourselves unworthy of big ones. We try hard. We aim to please. 

Low self-esteem makes some of us creative – as we seek meaning in pain. Low self-esteem makes some of us respectful – because we assume everyone is better than us. Low self-esteem makes some of us gentle – because we are not strong. Low self-esteem makes some of us hilarious – because self-deprecating humour is humour indeed. Low self-esteem makes some of us good listeners – because we do not want to listen to ourselves. Low self-esteem makes some of us empathic – because we have suffered, so we know.

Excerpt  from "Unworthy: How to Stop Hating Yourself" by Anneli Rufus

So is high self esteem a good thing? Leave a comment and have your say.